Why you should move in silence
The start of something new is always exciting. From a new relationship, new strategy, business, or habit change, the beginning of something new or the thought of it fills us with jitters and so much energy all we want to do is share.
When I started my self-improvement journey a big tip I heard was to get an accountability partner or announce my goals as a way to keep me disciplined.
However, it never seemed to work as I would get a whole ball of inspiration and feel on fire to change but lose it all as soon as opened my mouth about it.
Soon I was always on about the next big thing or the change I was going to make but never seemed to make any progress. Chances are, it’s happened to you a couple times too. So what’s wrong with us?
According to research, we talk about our goals a little too much and too soon. Professor of Psychology Peter Gollwitzer explained that when we share our goals we get validated by our peers or loved ones tricking our brains to believe that we have hit the target.
Meaning you lose the drive to work towards the goal just by sharing it. This happens in the brain on a chemical level as dopamine is released when we receive validation and praise for our goals and dreams ultimately signaling to the body that we’ve hit the target.
This is not to say that if you don’t share there won’t be moments of lack of willpower because there will be. But you are better suited to fight through when it’s a secret between you are intrinsically motivated.
As I probed further, I found that sharing our plans beforehand had other effects accurately captured by the proverb, “too many cooks spoil the broth”.
When we share our ideas or plans with others, they respond with suggestions, tweaks, better options, talk us out of it, etc.
This could be a saving grace where the person we are speaking to is being objective and experienced but what if they are not? The science suggests that we are usually at par with our peers meaning, the decisions we make may scare them because they are scary for us as well.
Additionally, we alone know what is best for our lives; I mean it’s our lives. And as a friend once told me, you already know the answer you just want validation.
Moving in silence also applies to our daily lives. It is common knowledge that you are more trustworthy when you are not always on about other people.
Private couples and friendships tend to work out more. You are more likely to get the promotion if you don’t announce it to the entire office before it is solid.
You are more likely to move houses when you are quiet about it. You are also less likely to be harmed when you move in silence because it is less likely that your enemy knows your next move.
As Chinua Achebe wrote in Things fall apart, “never kill a man who says nothing, there is nothing to fear from someone who shouts”.
When a young kite swooped down and carried a duckling, the mother duck was quiet. When the kite got to its nest its mother asked what the mother duck said, “Nothing” it replied. The mother kite asked it to return the duckling as one who is quiet is often dangerous. When the young kite swooped down and collected the chick of a hen, the hen threatened, insulted, and promised to deal with the kite. When it returned to the nest, it relayed the reaction of the hen to its mother. In response, she said “bring the chick let us eat, for the chicken has done all that it can do